No Comments// Posted in Random by Nielfa Hanifa on 03.03.10.

I have an very close aunty friend (that I may have mentioned here before) whose only daughter got married on Sunday. Back when the initial wedding plans started, she asked Zeen to do the opening qiraa’at and that I give a speech. Both of us declined, but were forced into it in a way only a mother could get you to do something.

Thankfully, my job was limited to rewriting key things she wanted to share in a message as the mother of the bride and to read it at the second reception of the day.

The following is what I wrote, but aunty friend edited it a bit because I used too many big words, so much for my dictionary and thesaurus. When I did finally read it, I was so nervous, I misread almost everything and had to improvise anyway. I was also very emotional, because this wedding was amidst our visits with the esteemed Habib Umar from Tarim.

Here is the message though:

To Thurayah and Shukri:

Today you have received a gift from Allah (SWT) the sacred act of matrimony. By entering into marriage, you have now completed half of your faith. Masha’Allah.

Now open the doors with these key words; Allah, Allah, Allah… We know that Islam is based on five pillars; and your marriage should primarily be based on them, along with building your own marital pillars.

But first, you need to lay a foundation of protection, respect and trust.

PROTECT yourselves and one another from anything that could harm you or your relationship.
RESPECT each other for who you are as unique individuals; and
TRUST one another, as you would expect to be trusted.

This will create a bond and solid foundation for pillars of compassion, loyalty and love.

COMPASSION: In marriage, everything should be dealt with kindness and tolerance.
LOYALTY: Always act with dedication to your spouse.
LOVE: Love each other like the first time you met; and just to spice things up a bit,
Keep the PASSION alive, because it jump starts anything!

With these support structures in place, your marriage will be an open platform for HAPPINESS, UNDERSTANDING and COMPROMISE.

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I want to share a few key things for you to always remember

That marriage is not an OWNERSHIP! You will never OWN your partner, but rather remember that you OWE one another the fundamental pledge of always protecting, respecting and trusting each other.

Don’t try to change one another! You are bound to learn of little, (and big) idiosyncrasies and nuances about each other. A big challenge will be learning to accept them, but accept them you must. Trying to change your partner will only lead to confusion and bitterness. In the end you’ll be with someone you no longer know; and finally,

Don’t ever allow anyone, including yourselves to destroy your foundation and pillars, ruining your platform!

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(Because I was so moved and touched by the few gatherings with Habib Umar that I had attended, I spontaneously added this piece of advice:)

I’d like to pass on a piece of advice that I’ve heard in passing and find to be an important aspect to remember as well. That as husband and wife, if you strive in the path of Allah ta’aala and increase your love for our beloved Nabi Muhammad (SAW), your marriage will be filled with love multiplied in excess of what you feel today.

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I want to conclude with a dua from your mother, myself and everyone at this beautiful wedding: May Allah (SWT)’s richest blessings always shine upon your marriage and may He one day grant you pious children who will be the coolness of your eyes, Insha’Allah.

… and then I ran off to hide because my heart was a lump in my throat.

The whole experience was nerve wrecking because there was no podium and when I unfolded the message to read it, my hands shook uncontrollably. I then placed the page on the bridal table, held the mic with both my hands and spoke, looking directly at the bride and groom.

Three days later, I’m still nervous… so I definitely don’t have any public speaking ambitions in my future, thank you very much!

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